Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
