You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
