highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
