At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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