All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Non-Jews are for practice
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
