hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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