so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
