I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
