you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Boobs speak an international language.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
