Best friends brother. Beat that.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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