did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
