I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
