i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
