i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
