I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
