I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
