I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
