Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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