Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
