Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
