I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
