She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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