Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
