Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
