My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
