We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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