i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
