She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize