I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize