The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
