conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
