I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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