do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
