Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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