so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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