True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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