got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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