I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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