i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize