And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
