i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
