the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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