On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
