Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
