About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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