dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
