I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
