They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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