He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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