So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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