Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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