Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
