I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The adults are the big ones right?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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