yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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