Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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