My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
