i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize