How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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