Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
