I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
