Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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