So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
