Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
