your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
