When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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