3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
