I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
