I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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