he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
