it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
