i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
