Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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