her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
