My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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