She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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