Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
