I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
