Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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