Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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