i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
