So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
