I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
