There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There r osticjed everywhere
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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