I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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