Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
