he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
