I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's just like the Real World with babies
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we're making bets on your personal life
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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