this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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