Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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