Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
