Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
