Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
