imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
