Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
